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I am Sorry….

In light of recent events in my life I wish to share how I feel about certain issues and maybe clarify some things. I have come to a place of humility and first wish to openly apologize to any and all of my LBGT friends. I am truly sorry if you have ever felt any amount of judgment from me at any time and on any level. I am sorry if you have ever felt that I do not accept you the way God has made you or the way you have chosen to live your life. I am sorry if you have ever felt that I have tried to change you or that I want you to be different. If you ever felt any of these things from me please come to me. I want to know so I can make it right. It was never my intention. I promise. And I hope you will forgive me. I also want you to know that this is not me defending myself. There is not defence for hurt feelings. This is me clearing the air.

I know I can be confusing because how I feel about people is sometimes in opposition with how I feel about certain issues or topics. Believe me, I am aware of these things. Over the years I have tried to reconcile the two but have yet to reach a place where I am standing still.

What specifically triggered this post is this video:

In all honesty I do not know where I stand on gay marriage. Because I feel differently about it depending on the person. And maybe that is not fair but it is where I am at. And I do not know where I stand on gay couples raising children. I know that if anyone told my friends Daniel and Charlie they could not raise children because they are gay I would be devastated for them. I am not asking for opinions or advice (not that I am closed to it). I am not looking to be persuaded one way or the other. I am just clearing the air. If you are wondering, this is where I am at.

Now What I do know is this:

“There is power in the blood of Christ,
power not only to create worlds and part the Red Sea but also to still the storms of the human heart. There is power in Christ to bring about a sudden and miraculous change in a person’s life and also the power to bear one’s burdens with dignity and strength until one’s mortal life is finished. God alone knows why some who suffer are delivered immediately from their suffering, why others pass away, and why yet others continue on earth to face the traumas of this second estate. We cling to the surpernal promise from Him who is the Peacegiver, the Balm of Gilead, that He will heal us, whether here or hereafter. “For since the beginning of the world men have not heard, nor percieved by the ear, neither hath the eye seen, O God, beside thee, what he hath prepared for him that waiteth for him” (Isaiah 64:4). Each of us wrestles with something. Perhaps it is our complexion, the shape of our bodies, our intellectual challenges, or same-gender attraction. To attempt to compare crosses is both unwise and counterproductive, for only He who knows all things can discern the depths of the individual human soul. We have not been promised a stress-free existence or a life of leisure. We have, however, the unimpeachable testimony of One who descended below all things and thus who knows what is in the heart of each of us that relief is real, that delieverance is definite. The Master becons to us: “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon me you, and learn of me, for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light” (Matthew 11:28-30). (DB)

I know that if you have a wound of any kind that Jesus Christ can heal you. If words or actions of others (including my own) have beat you down that He can lift you up. I know that all of you do not believe as I do. That is ok. I do not judge you for believing differently than me because I love you. I just wanted to make it clear what I do know and what I do not know. What I have confused feelings about and what I do not. You are welcome to take it or leave it. And if you leave it…I hope you are still leaving with my love. Dang Bruno Mars who stole my line….but I do love you just the way you are!


Sexual Healing

It is almost 6 am and I have not slept all night. My friend posted this on facebook and I am choosing to share. I loved watching this. He is right about everything.


my lil' lulu bird

Dear my little song, I miss you. I was looking at pictures of you yesterday and remembering all the fun times we have had. I am missing you. I miss our talks. I miss reading together and making messes. I miss falling asleep next to you, hanging onto your hand and dancing. I hope to see you soon.
Love, Nu

Laughing Matters

About a week ago I was having a really hard time. Well I still am having a hard time but on this particular night I was at a breaking point. I decided to call my mother and cry to her. I never cry to my mother so you know it was bad. I find her name in my phone and press send. She answers and I immediately reply “hi mom” in the most depressing drawn-out greeting ever to exit my mouth. As I was doing such it registered in my brain that the voice on the other end did not sound like my mother. I look down at my phone and in horror realize I had called my landlord and not my mom! AHHHH! In my immediate shock and embarrassment I hang up. I breathe for two seconds and proceed to call my REAL mother. I tell her what just happened and we laugh, laugh, and laugh! Even though my situation in life did not change and I embarrassed myself in an AMAZING way, my laughter had brought me away from my breaking point.

Laughing Matters

feeling a little bleeblish

The house is a mess. The sink os full of dirty dishes. The mail is still in the car. The scriptures are not read. But the child… The child is asleep. On the couch. I do what I can.

To all the single moms out there or the moms who might as well be single moms: Way to go! You are doing great! Seriously.

Although I would do it over again without even thinking – I am so done I want to cry. No one should ever have to do the nightly routine alone. I don’t care if you have one child or 19 and counting. When it comes to the bed time stuff there should always be more than one adult. I mean even after the babe is asleep it would be nice to have that other person to motivate you to clean something and to work along side you. Or to say “Let it be. We’ll do it tomorrow.” That way you do not feel guilty for doing nothing.

Or just to have someone to complain to so you don’t have to blog about it. I mean really. I have not showered. Don’t think I will even though it probably won’t happen tomorrow either. I am on my period. My back hurts like crazy (Brock why are you not here to rub it????). I still have to pack. Oh yeah. I fly to alaska with a two year-old tomorrow. I am kinda freaking out. I have to run a million errands that I do not have time for. And I am all by myself. But like always I will throw on my happy-I-can-do-it-all-and-have-a-great-attitude face and deal with it. It is what is is. And what it is is actually pretty wonderful. I am so blessed to have the best friends on the planet. The most beautiful little girl to take care of for a spell. And a loving and grace giving God. Thank you.

What it comes down to is that I am 26. I want to be a mom more than anything. But alas, I am not ready. I just have no idea what I am doing and what I do do I am not good at. Example: Child is sleeping on the couch. (deep sigh) oh. And I need a husband. That will not be happening anytime soon if ever. blah bleg bliggity blog blog bleeblish blue

New Favorite Song

7 x 70 It’s about forgiving those whom you love but who have deeply hurt you.