Category Archives: WOMEN FOOD AND GOD by Geneen Roth

hahaha

So the past two days I have received compliment after compliment!  First I was told I was very pretty and fit.  Then I was told I was small.  I was told I have a beautiful hourglass figure.  I was told that I “have it all put together.”  I have been trying really hard not to laugh and brush compliments off and just accept them for what they but it is sooo hard.  I have trained myself not to believe the good things others say about me because they cannot possibly be true (that is the belief I am trying to get over).

Advertisements

Been there done that

“They have whole friendships built on commiserating about the 20 pounds they have to lose and the jeans that are too tight and the latest greatest diets.  They fit in by hating themselves.”

So true.  I once had a group of friends like this.  About 80% of the time we complained about our weight.  I remember one time being sick about it.  I remember asking why we had to talk about our weight ALL the time.  My opinion was not well received. 

Although every woman in the group was a good person I cannot say those were the healthiest friendships.  On one hand I loved it because I felt like someone understood me but on the other hand it kept us all the same.  There was never any positive change.


Thanks Madonna

You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You’re frozen
When your heart’s not open

You’re so consumed with how much you get
You waste your time with hate and regret
You’re broken
When your heart’s not open

Mmmmmm, if I could melt your heart
Mmmmmm, we’d never be apart
Mmmmmm, give yourself to me
Mmmmmm, you hold the key

Now there’s no point in placing the blame
And you should know I suffer the same
If I lose you
My heart will be broken

Love is a bird, she needs to fly
Let all the hurt inside of you die
You’re frozen
When your heart’s not open

What you just read are lyrics to a Madonna song entitled Frozen.  I love Madonna and I love this song.  And now, for me at least, this song is about food.  In the prologue of Roth’s book she talks about how we have frozen places within ourselves.  She refers to them as “undigested pockets of pain.” 

The other night I had a great time at rehearsal.  Afterwards all I wanted was french fries.  I do not even really like french fries.  They are not my favorite by any means.  I did not stop and get any because I knew I was not hungry.  Well, I WAS hungry…but not for food.  I just finished having a great time with my friends and now I was heading home to be alone.  I was hungry for company.  For someone to pay attention to me.  By eating french fries (or anything else) I would have just been trying to feed the loneliness in me and in the end I would still be lonely. 

By eating I would jut be putting of the feeling of being lonely.  Eating would have “frozen” me.  Frozen my feeling of loneliness to feel another time.  By just letting myself feel alone…I felt great!  Weird.  Feeling the feeling of loneliness did not feel good but it felt beautiful.  In a way I felt free because I was allowing myself to feel instead of numbing it with food.  And in the end I realized that I was not alone at all.  I opened my scriptures and began to read…


First read through

So tonight I finished reading the book.  I feel positive and at peace.  I have no game plan or anything like that.  The only thing I plan to do is read it again.  This time I really want to take my time and process it along side my self. 

I have a great desire to love myself for who I really am.  I want others to love me just the way I am: inside and out.  I know the more I get to know my personal divine nature the more I will love myself.  And I will take care of what I love.  I always do.  That is something I am good at.


Truth and Cheeseburgers

So when I hit page 43 of the book I realizd that the whole time I have been reading this book I have been obsessing over eating a cheeseburger.  I know it is constantly on my mind because the things I am reading are hitting close to home.  They are truth.  Dang it.


Where are you soul??

There was a challenge on the show to look in the mirror into our own eyes and see into our souls.  I stood at that mirror for a long time and never saw my soul.  At first I thought maybe I could not see it because I was wearing my glasses.  So I put in my contacts. Then I thought maybe my eyes are just too small…

You are in there somewhere


Dear Oprah

Today I sat down and watched your show.  The moment I realized the show was on food I thought to myself, “I have to eat something.”  So I got up went into my kitchen and came back out with a cake.  Not a piece of cake.  Not a slice of cake but a whole cake.  I continued to watch your show with a cake on my lap and a fork in my hand.  On the show there was a conversation about the real reason to why we eat the way we do.  I thought about why I was eating the cake.  I reflected on my life and didn’t want to go there.  I remember thinking, “Maybe Oprah I just want to eat my FREAKING cake.  So there.”  Even as I thought that …I knew I was wrong.